Sexiest Occultist Alive* 2008: OFFICIAL WINNERS

Thank you all for your participation. As judges, this was our most challenging year. When you bring something from the astral plane to the physical, believe us when we tell you that there will be birth pangs. You probably wouldn't believe us if we told you that "you're all winners," so instead we'll quote Uncle Al and say that "Every man and every woman is a star."

But this year there were two nominees who shone particularly brightly. They are:

2008 winner, Zorigtbaatar Banzar (men's competition)

Occult Accomplishments: Mongolian Shaman.
What Put Him Over The Top: Devil-may-care sense of personal style.

2008 winner, Annie Besant (women's competition)

Occult Accomplishments: Former President of the Theosophical Society.
What Put Her Over The Top: Fearless early adopter of bondage-inspired fashions.

Sticky Wicket: We know that some will criticize us for giving the top award to Zorigtbaatar, saying that we're just bowing to the latest trend of "everything Mongolian shamanism, all the time" (as anyone shopping for back-to-school clothing has no doubt noticed).

Another point: we received far more nominations for Suri Cruise than we are comfortable with. Yes, we know that her eyeballs exude a strange power and that she has already won at least one mainstream best-dressed competition for realz, but she has a few hundred more moons to go before we can even think about you guys thinking about her in that way. This offends our most basic Yankee sensibilities about good hygiene and upright living.


SOA* 2008 JUDGES:
Dr. John Dee - Ascended Master, mostly.
Dr. Sherwood Kenning - Occultist, Qabalist, world-traveler, world-renowned Pan flautist. Foremost collector of erotic daguerreotypes in the Western world. Has returned from dead six times.
M. Silva - Agent-on-remote.
Gen Galloway - Part-time curator of The Kenning Collection. Editor-in-chief of The Galloway Chronicles.
Whaley - Deep sea animal ally.

SEXIEST OCCULTIST ALIVE* 2008: Congratulations To Our Runners-Up.

2008 Runner-Up, Cleve Backster.

Occult Accomplishments: Featured in The Secret Life of Plants. Founder, Backster School of Lie Detection.

What Put Him Over The Top: Perennial crowd favorite. We get five dozen votes for this guy every year. Truly "The People's Choice."

2008 Runner-up, Kara Rae Garland
aka Soror Ceilede

Occult Accomplishments: The first second-generation chaote we've ever heard of. Also writes.

What Put Her Over The Top: Apparent well-adjustedness.

STAY TUNED.
OFFICIAL WINNERS TO BE
ANNOUNCED LATER TODAY.

SOA* 2008 JUDGES:
Dr. John Dee - Ascended Master, mostly.
Dr. Sherwood Kenning - Occultist, Qabalist, world-traveler, world-renowned Pan flautist. Foremost collector of erotic daguerreotypes in the Western world. Has returned from dead six times.
M. Silva - Agent-on-remote.
Gen Galloway - Part-time curator of The Kenning Collection. Editor-in-chief of The Galloway Chronicles.
Whaley - Deep sea animal ally.

This Time It's Doping: Another Sordid Scandal Rips Through GALLOWAY Offices On Eve of Contest Decision

2005's winner, Michael Tsarion

Echoing the never-proven allegations that swirled around Michael Tsarion in 2005, our sources tell us that Dionysian invokestress Amy Winehouse is ineligible for our contest.

2008 nominee Amy Winehouse

(Sad face.)

"2008 Sexiest Occultist Alive" Judge Caught In Embarrassing Scandal

Contribution to science notwithstanding, the fact that these pictures of one of our most esteemed SOA 2008 judges are being released now is, to say the least, a bit suspicious.

We have always known that The Powers That Be would try to bring this blog down. With a light that shines as brightly and fearlessly as The Chronic's, one must expect the forces of darkness to be attracted. Note to the Illuminati or whatever y'all are going by these days: we were expecting nothing less.

Judging goes on, our good name untarnished.

2008 Sexiest Occultist Alive: Submit Your Nominations By July 25

2006's winner, Charles Fort

The victors will be officially announced on Monday.

We will be selecting one winner from each gender, which could potentially leave us with up to five different winners! Whew!

Each winner will receive a nifty badge for their blog signifying them as 2008's Sexiest Occultist Alive* OR a coupon towards a discounted oil change OR (if dead) a special libation at the gravesite of their choice.

Note to late-coming entrants: Remember the well-worn Internet maxim, "Pics or it didn't happen." Since Dr. Dee's shewstone is still being held hostage by the grabby British Museum, The Galloway Chronicles will need to see photos or we will be unable to clearly tell how occultalicious you might be.

Please keep it clean; some of us have strict vows of celibacy to maintain.

*or dead

Galloway Chronicles Now Accepting Nominations for 2008 Sexiest Occultist Alive*

2007's winner Manly P. Hall

This annual contest, normally held exclusively on the astral plane, has been moved to the blogosphere per orders of Dr. Dee, who is trying to make room on his back lawn for events of what he calls "greater occult significance."

This is probably the most important beauty contest since the judgement of Paris, so think carefully about who you nominate. We don't want just a million nominations for Michael Tsarion and nothing else, okay? That would make it very boring.


* or dead