Would have accepted jenkum as a consolation prize.

Image by Kathryn Andrews, via defacedbook.

Alchemy in the news!

U.K. Man Sets Fire To Apartment Trying to Turn Feces Into Gold.

...the process involved leaving feces, along with fertilizer, on top of a heater. While this process did not manage to transmute the feces into gold, it did manage to transmute his entire apartment into a blazing inferno. Upon his arrest, [the would-be alchemist] admitted to arson and endangering the life of fellow residents in the building by starting the fire, which is estimated to have caused £3,000 worth of damage. Judge McFarland who presided over the case commented that Moran’s endeavors were an “interesting experiment” but that they were obviously doomed to fail. He then proceeded to transmute the next three months of Moran’s life into jail time.