Monday, July 28, 2008

Sexiest Occultist Alive* 2008: OFFICIAL WINNERS

Thank you all for your participation. As judges, this was our most challenging year. When you bring something from the astral plane to the physical, believe us when we tell you that there will be birth pangs. You probably wouldn't believe us if we told you that "you're all winners," so instead we'll quote Uncle Al and say that "Every man and every woman is a star."

But this year there were two nominees who shone particularly brightly. They are:

2008 winner, Zorigtbaatar Banzar (men's competition)

Occult Accomplishments: Mongolian Shaman.
What Put Him Over The Top: Devil-may-care sense of personal style.

2008 winner, Annie Besant (women's competition)

Occult Accomplishments: Former President of the Theosophical Society.
What Put Her Over The Top: Fearless early adopter of bondage-inspired fashions.

Sticky Wicket: We know that some will criticize us for giving the top award to Zorigtbaatar, saying that we're just bowing to the latest trend of "everything Mongolian shamanism, all the time" (as anyone shopping for back-to-school clothing has no doubt noticed).

Another point: we received far more nominations for Suri Cruise than we are comfortable with. Yes, we know that her eyeballs exude a strange power and that she has already won at least one mainstream best-dressed competition for realz, but she has a few hundred more moons to go before we can even think about you guys thinking about her in that way. This offends our most basic Yankee sensibilities about good hygiene and upright living.

Dr. John Dee - Ascended Master, mostly.
Dr. Sherwood Kenning - Occultist, Qabalist, world-traveler, world-renowned Pan flautist. Foremost collector of erotic daguerreotypes in the Western world. Has returned from dead six times.
M. Silva - Agent-on-remote.
Gen Galloway - Part-time curator of The Kenning Collection. Editor-in-chief of The Galloway Chronicles.
Whaley - Deep sea animal ally.


Mary Anne said...

that guy deserves all honor and glory. Sexy he is!
the lady? how brave how beautiful'

Now what about Whaley?

Kether said...

I must object to this facetious nomination. We were led to believe that you would nominate the sexiest occultist alive, not the kookiest occultist alive...there were many other plausible nominees, including Dean Wilson, Miscan. Just as they say 40 is the new 30, smart is the new sexy...